Ambiguously Gay Candidate Admits to Telling "Serious Lie"

In the 4-way South Carolina gubernatorial primary, the ambiguously gay André Bauer is polling in 4th place. In a desperate attempt to gain traction, Bauer has planted himself firmly in the middle of a fiery controversy over unsubstantiated rumors about Nikki Haley's private life.

Bauer has insisted that he has had nothing to do with the malicious gossip, and he took a polygraph test today to "prove" his innocence. There's one small problem: The document he provided doesn't prove much of anything ― except a history of telling serious lies. Questions about the sex blab that was leaked by Bauer's consultant, Larry Marchant, were nebulous:

So we know Bauer is a "serious" liar, but we don't really know much of anything else. The polygraph test explored some interesting territory, but the questions are conveniently ambiguous. The polygraph report repeatedly refers to "that information," but there's no reference to what "that information" is.

"That information" ostensibly would be Larry Marchant's unproven claim of having had an affair with Bauer's leading opponent, Nikki Haley ― but who can say for sure?

One thing we can say for sure is that Bauer sidestepped the issue of his epic sexual history. Bauer promised to address via polygraph the issue of his storied sexual exploits with the same sex, but he has apparently reneged on that pledge.

Tomorrow, the votes will be cast. We'll soon know whether André Bauer's antics paid off.

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South Carolina Primary Election Results

Sex in South Carolina

In their determination to hang on to the governor's seat, the old-school corruptocrats of the South Carolina GOP have decided they'd sooner drag the whole state down into the gutter than to allow a brown-skinned female reformer to introduce representative democracy to the Palmetto State. So for the last two weeks, we've been subjected to endless speculation about unsubstantiated allegations about Nikki Haley's sex life.

I'm not sure if all this gossip and speculation has been helpful, but now that we're in the gutter, I think it's important that we explore the sex lives of all the candidates.

Good for the goose...good for the ganders.

Let's start with 40 year-old confirmed bachelor, André Bauer.

Blogger Mike Rogers is the gay blogger who outed Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.). Back in August, after a thorough investigation, Rogers reported confirmation of André Bauer's closeted homosexuality.

In a highly sympathetic interview, when asked about the debate over his sex preferences, André Bauer said that the topic is an inappropriate one: "I don’t think it’s a proper question. I think it’s a little bit ridiculous and it’s sad that politics has gotten to that."

In light of Mike Rogers's report, and reports cited by the New York Times, doubts about André's sex life persist. But André has come with a very interesting proposal for addressing the controversies that swirl around the GOP gubernatorial primary: polygraph tests.

So how about it André? Let's end the speculation about your closet homosexuality. Sit for a lie detector test today.

To quote André Bauer himself, "Somebody needs to put the interests of the people of South Carolina before their own."

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Bauer says he's not a homosexual. But does he have (or has he had) physical relationships with men? Bring in the lie detector.

Update (6-7-10):

Bauer had previously told WCSC in Charleston that he would "absolutely" take a polygraph about his own rumored sexual history, as he has asked Haley to do. No questions about that subject were included in Bauer's polygraph exam, however.