You've Got Mail: Left Wing Paranoia

I try to keep up with the latest progressive memes via email. Fundraising letters are especially amusing. Here are some highlights from the past week...

Bill Clinton to me:

Right-wing extremists in Congress are persistent and, if we let them, they will hide behind a veil of concern for federal spending to push through a broad right-wing agenda dismantling Medicare, privatizing Social Security, undermining the environment, and balancing the budget on the backs of America’s most vulnerable people.

I knew I was a right-wing extremist, but I didn't realize I was cowering behind "a veil of concern." Thanks for the info, Bill!

Sen. Barbara Boxer to me:

You hold the key to putting Leader Pelosi and Democrats back in control of Congress and ensuring President Obama’s re-election next year. The stakes are too high to let the Koch Brothers and the right-wing secret money machine continue their radical right-wing agenda.

Right now, they have set their sights on winning the special election in California’s 36th District and defeating President Obama next year...

Wait a minute ― who told the Democrats about our secret money machine?

Robby Mook to me:

Republicans aren’t willing to budge on ending tax breaks for millionaires and billionaires.

Eric Cantor is willing to sabotage our economy just to provide more red meat to the Tea Party and protect Republicans and their secret anonymous Koch Brothers backed billionaire donors.

They know about our secret money machine and our secret anonymous billionaires? Is there anything they don't know about our vast secret conspiracy?

Steve Israel to me:

It’s imperative that we stay neck and neck with the Republicans. Remember, on top of the cash that Boehner gives House Republicans, millions more will go to support Tea Party Republicans with secret cash from the Koch Brothers and the Tea Party’s new Super PAC.

The Koch Brothers are the root of all evil.

Rep. Joe Crowley to me:

First, House Republicans recklessly voted to end Medicare for seniors but give more tax breaks to billionaires. Then, Republican leaders were caught censoring official government communications that talk about the GOP’s radical plan to end Medicare.

The Republicans have a plan to end the world's biggest Ponzi scheme? Would that it were true.

James Carville to me:

Right now, the Koch Brothers, the Tea Party’s new “Super PAC,” and even old blubbering John Boehner himself are leaving no Republican billionaire behind.

They’re pulling out every stop to defeat President Obama and enact the most disgusting and extreme right-wing agenda this country has ever seen.

I feel so dirty.